Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
