lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
