i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
