can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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