you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
