Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
