i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
