If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
