Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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