I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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