I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
