Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
