Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
