She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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