Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
