Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
