Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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