So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
