I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize