u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
