You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
