She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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