I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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