boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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