Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
