youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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