nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
