We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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