Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
