You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
