My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
