Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
