conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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