Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
