Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
