Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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