we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
