watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
