He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
