I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
