Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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