Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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