Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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