So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
