this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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