ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize