You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
