That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
