Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
