Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
