Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
