Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
