i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize