oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
