is your mom at the bar?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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