I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
