K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
