that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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