if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
