i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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