My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
