Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
