He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
