I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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