just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
