He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
