I cannot find my penis.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
