there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
