I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize