Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
