hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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