so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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