My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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