Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
