Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
