I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
