I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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