thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He kissed a someone with a penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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