$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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