Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
