And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
