The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize