So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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