She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
