so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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