I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize