I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
