Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
