Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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