wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
