Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
