And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
