I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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