last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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