PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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