Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize