so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
