i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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