What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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