My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
