his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
