Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
