Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
These tits shall not be calmed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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